Monday, 16 June 2014

Astral projection

She floated away sans feelings,after all,she had a plan.

Feelings left her exhausted for she felt fully. She felt it all the way to her bones. 
The misery that came along with it or after it in case it was a high was palpable.

She had resolved to move away from the pain.

This time,it will work for the dose will be just right.

She lay down calmly after injecting herself.
Any moment,now.

She waited till she felt a weight lift off  her. She was floating right above herself.

Insulin shock induced astral projection,she had managed. 

The irony was that even though she reckoned that she would be above worldly feelings,it was not the case.

The pain ebbed and flowed. 

She screamed after the loneliness got to her but there was no one to hear her screams on this plane.

In her hurry to be relieved,she did not learn that revival could only be done by another.

She moved after days of insanity and when she could not bear to look at herself any longer.

She broke the shiny thread,connecting her to her body. Died.

Moved past it all and tried to find more.

Find,she did. All the people she had lost but her love-who could not her's there- lay down there.

So,she imbibed her essence in his dreams and urged him to come and be with her.

He followed suit by ingesting a poison.

Lo and behold they met and embraced.

Ramblings of a Dark Day

Always wishing for death,when things a little rough.

What has life turned me into?

Always running for cover in a confrontation or turning my back,in toto?

Life turned me into a coward.

Cowardice emerged after i lost all sense of security.

What has life done to me?

Is therapy the way to go?

Lest,it unravels me and makes me flip completely.

How will i reach out of this abyss?

Tried and tried again and will keep trying till I can no more.

Grateful,i am and should be but why do i still want death when the smallest things go awry.

I talk to myself and reason.. Step ahead but i seem to fall back.

Death might not be an answer but it can very much be.

Are you really ready to trade in everything for a toss?

Just for some peace,i want it. Desperately.

I want to be high just so that i can let go of all the pain and anger.

Will it be being obnoxious to a someone if my anguish comes to me,time and again?

Being happy is a choice,one needs constant reminders.

But when an emotions overwhelm you to the point of madness.

Pent up anger for violation,ignominy and insecurity.

Perhaps,am just weak.

High-for today.

Death,is for another day. I sigh and trudge along.


How can one let go of pent up anger against a person?

The easiest answer that would come onto everyone's lips would be-talk to them,forgive them,let it go.

I know the adage regarding revenge-poisoned chalice-but i would love to draw an analogy with pent up anger.

It currodes your very being. You react rather than respond. You lash out when none is necessary.

You stew in your own filth,that is anger.

I guess,the healthy thing to do here would be to talk to the person in question but what if that person will lash out and perhaps and try hurt you after hearing your side. Irrationality and the knack to yell being their perfect response and you are the kind of person who dies as soon as someone starts yelling.

Is it healthy to aggaravate a dormant situation just in order to calm the fuck down?

What if the relationship is deemed as important?

How much hatred do you feel for yourself when you realise that perhaps,all the year of anger and thoughts surrounding the subject have caused you to be more like it?

How can you start loving self again?