Split

I started reading the journal-

"Age,experiences and an open mind make you more judgemental in a more subtle manner.

I judge a certain person more harshly for i see in retrospect what he did.

I understand it.

When you realise that a certain person has started repulsing you then everything about that person disgusts you or brings about a deluge of emotions within you.

Small things make you angry.

Perhaps,it is also because as you have aged you aee their weaknesses and flaws,vices that you cannot tolerate.

She was right when she said that you cannot love people when you judge them.

As i judge him and he has had a bearing on my life,on all levels,i do not love him.

I have a feeling of kinship. I will always be there but small things will continue to repulse me. 

Perhaps,it is because i am disappointed beyond belief in him.

Perhaps,it is the constant disinterest.

The patronising manner. The condescending shit that is poured onto me even though,he is the one with a secret,perhaps or just a a big screw up.

He tried and he failed. I can forgive him for that,but i cannot overlook the garguntum ego,the impatience,the close mindedness and ultimately,the fact that he refuses to believe in me. The egomaniac believes that he has it right and everyone else is a moron,a closed off mind.

The emotional scarring and the dismissive nature that persists till date will haunt me forever.

I refuse to let him know that he might have been right about certain things because it will feed his inflated ego.

I refuse to discuss anything with him,for he will mock and patronise. Laugh. Make me feel small.

I cringe everytime i realise that a particular trait in me is like him,i do not want that,i cannot. Will not. 

Parenting 101,he did not get it right."

So much anger. 

Sigh.