I'd do things differently..(Graphic content)

I'd do things differently had i known that he was dying.

I would have elongated the period of his suffering. 

I would have made sure that he felt every single cell in his body break.

I would have tortured him rather than just cutting him.

I would not have just sliced out his nipples and placed them in his mouth,i would have pulled them put by pliers.

Watch the horror descend his eyes,which might slightly conform to the endless abyss of horror that was my PTSD.

A disorder thar crippled me. For years. Does now,still.

The nightmares,the insomnia,the absolute cynicism,my childhood,social anxiety and the stress. 

I would have stapled his balls rather than straight out cutting them off and watched the blood trickle than ebb and flow.

I would not have stuck something with a barbed wire around it inside him but also given it a twirl.

Oh,so many things.

Had i known.

I would have not just struck him in a hospital in order to get the stains and smell off my den.

I would have savoured everything that i did to him than the other way round.

Ah,the irony. The joy.

I would have made him relive the absurdity and absolute terror that my life became for him.